2-19-2009 Ripples of Punishment

I have been thinking that Punishment Doesn't Work. In trying to discipline my teenage son, I am finding that when I ground him from things he enjoys for things that he does wrong (like lying that his homework is done when it isn't) ---it doesn't make things better. The "wrong" he did was usually done out of Fear in the first place. And taking away his enjoyment in reaction to his fear is not really the proper response.

I have found in my experience when I have tried to be submissive in my real life (beyond a play scene) that punishment just breeds resentment. It takes a Very Evolved Soul to see the Justice in being punished for an action, and to furthermore bear that punishment with dignity and then reap the benefits of Learning from it. Most of us are not quite there yet. Most of us are still at the point where we are defending our Fear that made us misbehave in the first place, and therefore we resent the fact that we are being punished. And we resent the Punisher. And just like my son did a passive-aggressive little act that hurt me tonight, the first sneaky chance we get---we *strike* back at the One who punished us.

Personally, I am going to start thinking more along the lines of Restitution instead of Punishment. Making things Right instead of "Paying for your Crime". Focusing time and intention on creating a better world instead of enduring a sentence of dwelling on your fuck ups.

In other words, I am going to try throwing seeds into the Pond instead of Rocks and see what kind of Ripples they will make.