8-7-07 The "Lifestyle"

What is this thing that we do Really? What is The Lifestyle?

Sometimes to me it seems like an excuse to be Rude and Selfish.

I see Polyamorous couples--usually Trios, where it really is just a lame excuse for the Male to have a Younger, Prettier Woman, and the older, "long-term" partner just has to remain devoted as a test of her "submission".

But the pain shows. Sometimes quietly, so that only sensitive people (like me) pick it up and feel it right in the heart.

Sometimes it blows up in a Big Way---Right in the middle of a Large Gathering. The "submissive" will blow her stack at the Dominant for playing with little subbie foo-foo for too long and ignoring other responsibilities to her or their life, and then a whole little passion play follows for the eyes of All to see.

It makes a Mockery of all the so-called Protocol.

And so it was with the Dom who "trained" me. He trained me harshly Never to lie--until I was incapable of it. So I thought everyone in the Lifestyle expected Complete Truth. When I told my truth, no one wanted to hear it, and they turned away from me.

Then I found out that Everything he told me was a lie.

And he says he does Everything in the Name of his dead Domme who taught him. He owes it to Her.

(Edited on 8/8/2007 ---I just realized I am still treating what he told me as the truth---his "dead Domme" could be his dead Mom for all I know!)

I have seen a few people who do this balanced and well. But they are monogamous and married to each other. No Drama. No Lies.

It seems like it is all a Farce--a stupid Comedy in Leather and Latex.

I was publicly screamed at by a woman last summer for a apologizing for a small mistake I had made a few days earlier. It was at an event I attended the evening after I had spent the day at my aunt's funeral. I had been stoic there, and shed no tears for my aunt that helped raise me. But when this woman yelled at me in public, I cried. Instead of anyone caring Why---people gossiped because I was devoted to someone on the internet and was Also seen crying in public, I was crazy. No sympathy or understanding, just Judgement without any inquiry.

Cruel to be Kind---Ha!

If someone has a Different Story to tell me, Please come forward.

I am so Disillusioned.