Truth Be Told

For some people, communications break down at the first sign of a hitch. Not a good omen for working things out in the long haul, which is what I am interested in. Someone who walks away from a conversation without any explanation when you are in the beginning stages of getting to know each other, may repeat that behavior again and again whenever things don't go their way, or get a little tense.

Setting a limit with someone I had never met in person is just being smart and safe--and I didn't have any other reason for saying to a man I had met on the internet that he couldn't pick me up for our first meeting after the third day of talking.

I was telling him the experience that lead me to that rule. Foolishly getting into the car of a "nice handsome"man after talking for less than an hour at a wine bar that closed early. We got in his car to go to another bar down the block--I THOUGHT. He wound up driving me to the next town and pulling into a closed service station next to a dumpster and trying to have sex with me. Luckily he was grossed out because of my time of the month. (He was from Italy--they are weird about that stuff)

He was from a vanilla site called Plenty of Fish. He and the only other date I have had from there both told me they assumed that because I was into kink that I was going to to be easy.

The thing is this: I want the Whole Package. I want Hot Sex and I NEED Hot Sex badly. But I won't compromise my dignity to get it. I want to be treated like a Person--not a Sex Doll.

This new guy seemed to be into my mind and ideas--at first. By today he was like "What are u wearing?" When I asked if that was all he was here for, he said "No, but it's a good reason to stay, isn't it?"

Then when I explained that I needed to have my own car when I met him and why---he just said he had to GO and shut down cam, phone and instant message immediately. I tried to apologize in case he thought I was comparing him to the rapey guy--but no answer. I emailed and said I thought he was being rude---got an answer that I was too Dominant during our conversations and supposedly he felt interrupted too much. He didn't want to meet. (He wasn't one of the "weak-minded" guys I have been supposedly dating)

It's funny about the "feeling interrupted" thing. Because I felt that with him too. But I just chalked it up to Two People who were excited to have found each other and were just bubbling out conversation as quickly as possible!

So, better to know now than after I got attached I guess. He was a musician, he spoke French. At least I never heard him speak French on the phone--only typed on IM. He was witty and intelligent. He wasn't submissive, but he said he was open to switching sometimes. And truthfully, I was looking forward to melting into some Maleness right now.

I think men do enough "flirting" to get you interested...and then they turn down the charm when they think they have you--- to see if you stick around. That will test the level of how you will allow yourself to be treated. If they can get by with less than Sterling, why not?

Because, if he had been offended because he mistakenly thought I had been comparing him to the rapey guy---and then I sent the IM apologies--that should have been enough. But really, it is NOT too much for a gentleman to expect that a lady might want to feel safe---and probably a safe guy would want me to feel safe also, and do what he could to make me feel that way.

Because when I feel safe, I can relax and enjoy and just be there with him. And let the lust fall where it may. But has to me MY CHOICE---not forced on me by a guy who likes to see scared women. Only when I trust can I let go and relax and let someone else take the wheel for a while.

With each trial, my vision of what I need/want gets a little clearer. I guess I just keep going.

Cuz I do want it all--Lust, Companionship/Friendship and Love.

So Mote It Be.

*Bright Blessings*

Linda